I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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