it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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