I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You smell like stripper and shame
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
