I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
