Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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