He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
