Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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