my room smells like sperm. sweet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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