i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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