Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's blow job season.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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