I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You've changed since you got that strap on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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