Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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