please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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