Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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