Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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