What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
