Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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