I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
