You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
