If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
