My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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