I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found puke in my bra..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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