so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
