I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think your dad took our porno
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
