dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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