After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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