margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
