Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
