I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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