Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
