he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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