I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
