So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
