maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
