even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
