Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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