Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
