I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
