She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
