It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
