If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
