You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
