We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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