Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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