Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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