He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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