my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
where am i from again
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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