I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
