My brain says no but my pants say off.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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