dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
