So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm too high and old for this...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
