Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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