i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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