you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
