And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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