never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
