I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
