Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize