Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
