and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
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She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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