thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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