time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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