How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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