every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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