he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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