She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
