i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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