woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
