dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
