If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
