my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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