franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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