so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
