I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
